Parenting Solved

Free Range Kids and America's Worst Mother

Here's a new way to look at things. Lenora Skenazy, a columnist from the New York Sun, has initiated a movement against protectionism in parenthood. She calls it the Free Range Kids movement and it’s gathering some real momentum from the looks of thing. The free range philosophy supports the belief that we should spend less time coddling and more time letting go. Labeled “America’s Worst Mom” by some, I think she may be on to something. Check it out on her blog.

My favorite quote: “Children, like chickens, deserve a life outside the cage. The overprotected life is stunting and stifling, not to mention boring for all concerned.”

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Baby Steps to Real Health Change

I see it all the time: Health problems that require change. Change in diet, behavior or the way we live. And people are always willing to change themselves or their children, especially when their health is at risk. The problem is, we can’t keep it up. Cutting calories, increasing exercise, minimizing sugar intake, and other lofty goals can be reached over the short term. Long-term change is hard to maintain.

But small changes are doable and they can have a real impact. The consumption, for example, of just 10 extra calories per day – that’s one stick of gum – over a one year period will make you one pound heavier. And small, almost unnoticeable decreases in daily caloric intake can have similarly dramatic effects. When sustained, these almost invisible changes in behavior are more realistic than turning your life upside down.

My greatest success as a father and a pediatrician has been seen with small, reachable goals. While we all dream of big change, it's more likely to happen slowly than overnight.

Feral Little Diners

If you haven’t been there you should check out The Juggle over at the Wall Street Journal. This blog focuses on the choices and tradeoffs people make as they juggle work and family. The authors are WSJ staff with kids and the pithy subject matter is surpassed only by the great writing.

Jason Fry’s Dining Out with Kids addresses the issue of discipline (or lack of) in restaurants. We’ve all seen it, children roaming free doing as they wish while mom and dad enjoy a quiet dinner. These are the children who “go feral” as Jason and his wife like to call it. While I’d like to say that we impose the same discipline when in restaurants as we do at home, I’d have to say that my wife and I are a fair bit stricter. Universally we consider the experience of those around us above our own. And if we can’t keep things in line with a stern look or concrete threat, there’s always the parking lot. How we teach our children to behave in public determines in part how they see the world around them. And we all have to do our part to cultivate the next generation of great dining citizens.

The comment thread in Jason’s post evolves to discuss public breastfeeding. All the customary lactivist/anti-lactivist rhetoric can be found.

Obese Kids on Billboards

Boston’s Metrowest Community Health Foundation has created a stir with a new ad campaign showcasing the dangers of ignoring childhood obesity. Provocative billboards depict obese children with warnings of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cancer and sleep apnea.

What’s more interesting than the ads is the reaction that they have drawn. It seems there are those who want to protect the sensibilities of children at the expense of their health. And then there’s the tired excuse that addressing overweight will create a generation of anorectics.

While childhood obesity is complex, the failure of parents to implement structure and feeding discipline in lives of their children is an often overlooked step in making some children obese. Kudos to Martin Cohen, Metrowest Foundation president, for brazenly reminding parents about the consequences they can expect from the daily choices they make.

Supernanny Schadenfreude

I discussed Supernanny with a mother recently. She confessed that her real motivation to watch the program was that it made her feel that her situation with her own kids wasn’t all that bad. There apparently was some satisfaction in the fact that it was someone else’s kids who were biting and dropping the f-bomb. The nanny’s stern British wisdom was incidental.

This is a case of parental schadenfreude, or delight in the misery of others. Much like our perverse attraction to disaster movies, watching someone else’s child have the meltdown could be entertaining and potentially therapeutic.

Food as a Pacifier

Daily occurrence in my clinic: A toddler is brought in for evaluation. During the course of our visit any type whining, fussing, or protest triggers the appearance of the grazing canister from mom’s bag. Grazing canisters are those small, colorful plastic snack containers that are suited for the fast, easy delivery of refined carbohydrates anytime, anywhere. And then, hand-to-mouth, the fish-shaped crackers or bear-shaped graham crackers disappear as fast as they appeared.

This mindless move to preoccupy our children with food is perceived by most of us as innocent. Peace at any cost. And what harm does it do really? Perhaps more than we think.

It rewards marginal behavior.
It reinforces that we deal with boredom and other emotions with food.
Unless it is a designated snack time, it isn’t consistent with good feeding structure.

I don’t say this to pass judgment but find it to be a common practice with subtle consequences that few parents think about. It appears that our relationship with food begins a lot earlier than we think.

Trust Yourself

I attended a lecture at the American Academy of Pediatrics national convention by two of the country’s leading authorities on child behavior. It was billed as something covering basic behavioral problems in the office setting. Both speakers came from prestigious children’s hospitals – pediatric blue bloods with good lineage.

This is what I expected: Statistics, jargon and out-of-touch advice.
Here’s what I got: Practical, grounded information from two parents who happen to be behavior experts.

It was comforting to learn that even ivory tower experts have their pet tricks on what to do when a child refuses to sit on the toilet or throws a tantrum in the grocery store checkout line. Surprisingly little of what was discussed was backed up with studies or statistics. As I discovered, experience, an understanding of the toddler mind, and a confident approach will get you further than a graph.

A couple of take-away points:
• While child behavior can’t be described as simple, most issues come down to simple behavioral conditioning.
• Parental limits and consistent responses to behavior will serve our kids best.
• Absolute right and wrong is a matter of opinion. Every child is different, every parent is different and no two situations are ever quite alike.

Sometimes the best parenting advice comes with the “permission” to trust our own intuition. I think it was Benjamin Spock who said, “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

American Academy of Apple Dippers

I was walking the exhibit floor at the national meeting of the American Academy of Pediatrics and I spotted the McDonald’s golden arch rising above the crowd. It seems they were giving out packaged apples to hungry conventioneers. Not a Big Mac or nugget in site. Only packaged apples.

This attempt at reshaping its brand in front of America’s baby doctors is a strange one. McDonald’s is what it is and free apples won’t change the opinion of the medical community. When we’re looking for fruit or all natural food for our kids, Mickey Dee’s isn’t likely to come to mind anytime soon.

But the coexistence of fast food in our culture shouldn't be a problem for parents who exercise discipline when feeding their children. Bad feeding, like bad behavior, can become a habit without discipline. Feeding discipline should include balance and dietary limits. Like birthday cake, Halloween candy and other dietary indiscretions, fast food should fit into the occasional category. Young children are provided with fast food by adults. And I’m still waiting for that first case of a four-year-old who drives herself to McDonalds for a Happy Meal.

McDonalds should be applauded for providing alternatives to french fries although it doesn’t take a Harvard MBA to figure what’s behind their AAP presence. While easy access to calories has been a major contributor to our obesity epidemic, it’s our lack of feeding discipline that’s ultimately to blame. We’ve created the first generation in American history that’s unlikely to outlive its parents. And no one wants to be accountable for that.

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