Parenting Solved

When Pediatricians Pass Judgment

If you’ve ever wondered what your pediatrician thought of you, check out Dr. Perri Klass’ recent column in the New York Times.  As always, her angle on the experience of doctoring children is unique.  This piece draws light on the fact that pediatricians often draw conclusions about child behavior and manners that are never discussed.

So watch your (kid’s) P’s and Q’s.  Remember that as parents we’re charged with the responsibility of cultivating the next generation.  And you never know who’s got their eye on you.

When Patients See You at the Gym

Today a patient’s mother reported that she had seen me at the gym.  Apparently she and her husband had seen me working out and briefly debated whether I was the doctor in question.  I was able to confirm that I in fact had been at the Y over the weekend, sans khakis.

It’s a strange feeling to know you’ve been seen, especially when you didn’t know you were being seen at the time.

And I often run into mothers in the grocery store.  For some reason they always look into my cart.  Looking in someone’s grocery cart is an intimate act, I think.  Especially when you dole out nutritional advice for a living.

There are parents who have picked me up on Twitter.  Microblogging is another place where I disclose parts of myself not seen in the clinic.  For better or worse.

The gym, grocery store and Twitter are personal spaces.  But as long as my patients don’t mind seeing me speak my mind in my Underarmour with a 5 o’clock shadow and a package of Mallowmars in my cart, I’m good.

I guess this is what the social media experts call transparency.

Are You Structured When it Comes to Feeding Your Kids?

I’m always amazed at the structured discipline that parents hold themselves to when getting their kids ready for bed.  Almost on the clock:  bath, story, bed.  And for good reason.  Any parent worth their salt knows that successful sleep patterns begin with the repetition of a nightly routine.  Routines tell children what’s about to happen and what’s expected of them.  Rituals create order for children.

But when it comes to eating, structure seems to go right out the window.  So often when children are hungry, they expect snacks.  When they’re fidgety at the pediatrician’s office, out come the Goldfish.  Often the limited diets and poor habits that children develop are our doing.

The foundation of healthy feeding is a tight routine.  While I’m a strong advocate of feeding on demand in early infancy, it doesn’t work for toddlers.  Why?

• Feeding on demand promotes grazing.  This creates havoc with our digestive hormones and stunts the appetite.  Just like your mother used to tell you, if you fill up on junk, you won’t eat your dinner.
• Feeding on demand puts feeding on their terms.  While children do have to assume responsibility for what they eat, they lack the judgment to do this entirely on their own.  You set the boundaries of what’s appropriate and leave the rest to them.
• Feeding on demand sends the wrong message about food.  Children must learn that the impulse to eat will not always be fulfilled.  Older children are more apt to use food to fulfill other impulses other than hunger and the need to nourish.

After the first year, plan on three squares a day, two snacks and watch out for that appetite-numbing wander cup with milk and juice.

By the way, my weakness is a handful of cashews during the hour before dinner.  Of course when I grab ‘em the kids are in tow looking for their own.  So as we eat, so shall they feed!

Free Range Kids, Helicopter Parents and Baby Monitors

There’s an interesting conversation going on over at Strollerderby.  Do babies really need monitors?  Or, as it’s been suggested, is it negligent to not use a baby monitor?

It’s an interesting question because it defines a recently evolving split in parenting styles:  The helicopter parent vs. free range parent.  The hand wringing helicopter parent hovers and the free rangers sits back and see the merit of an unrestricted environment.

And the antagonism is mounting.

While I’m hoping to get my hot little hands on a copy of Lenore Skenazy's upcoming book on Free Range Kids, I can’t yet say that I endorse her style.  But I’ve followed her for some time and I think that we all may be able to pick up a few pointers.  Lest we become a Nation of Wimps.

What Would You Do if This Were Your Child?

Many times when faced with a clinical dilemma a parent will turn to me and ask, “What would you do if this were your child?” 

When faced with this question I never quite know what to say.  And each time I feel a little on-the-spot.  But why is that?  Aren’t I comfortable recommending for someone else exactly what I would do for my own child?  After all, what have I got to hide?

Here’s the problem: the decisions we make as parents involve our values, tolerance of risk, level of concern and frustration, prior health experience and religious belief to name but a few.  There’s no way to fully tease those things from the parent sitting across the room.

Perhaps it’s the intensity of the fact that my child would or could be in the same situation that bothers me.  When I disclose what I would do myself as a dad, it’s intimate.  The decision I make for my child says a lot about me and my fears and concerns.  When I disclose that I’m biasing their decision with the things that are important to me.

When I get this question, what I really hear is, “I can’t really weigh the options so help me out.”  And I do.  With my answer they believe that I’m telling them what I would do.  But in fact it’s nothing more than an exercise to help them understand what they really want.

When I’m in an exam room I’m a pediatrician, not a father.  But the art of what a great pediatrician does involves understanding the mindset of a parent.  Through this understanding I can frame my recommendations in such a way helps parents make the best decisions for their kids.

Child Drives Car After Watching Grand Theft Auto

The AP has reported that a 6-year-old Virginia boy who missed his bus tried to drive to school in his family's sedan — and crashed.  The boy fortunately suffered only minor injuries.  His parents were charged with child endangerment.

And here’s the punch line:  The boy told police he learned to drive watching Grand Theft Auto.

This story at its core level is tragic.  A six-year-old child, unsupervised by his sleeping mother, endangers himself and others in an automobile that he felt empowered to operate after watching a mature rated video game that glorifies auto theft, prostitution and murder.  Rich. 

What’s remarkable is that while you need a permit to go fishing, anyone have children.

Are You Tuning Your Kids Out?

A mom I follow on Twitter noted last night that her daughter has requested a media-free period between 5-10 pm.  No phones, no laptop, no TV and no electronics.  Charming in its simplicity but it has to make you think:  Are parents too connected and can our children sense it?

True confessions:  I tune my family out more than I should.  It’s wrong but I do.  While I love my kids and the time I spend with them, I also enjoy the hangin’ at the Twitter water cooler or seeing what my favorite bloggers are posting.  So compelling.

So what to do?

It’s pretty clear, actually.  As a dad I have to set a good example for my kids and that includes separating my Twitter/Blog time from my family time.  Like so many things involving personal change, it’s nothing more than raw discipline and the firm decision to do what’s right.

If it’s not too late for resolutions, I plan to work on the following:

• Avoid my laptop between dinner and bedtime
• Avoid using my iPhone when out and about with my family except for important calls
• Never passively dismiss my kids for online activities

I really want my kids to a life that goes beyond online social networks and that can only begin with truly living that life myself.  I’ve got some work to do.  How about you?

Tip to @holly_t for the inspiration

Do Kids Need Cursive Writing?

With the evolution of modern communication, kids are spending less time writing and more time typing.  It’s a function of our tools – as we move from dead trees to digital it seems like a natural sequence that children would be less proficient in cursive writing.

Is this a problem?

While I push my own children to adopt reasonable skill in penmanship, I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the concern is probably overrated.  As personal information technology evolves, keyborarding (not typing), touch screen applications and voice recognition will probably render the skill obsolete.  It’s a paradigm shift that’s hard for me to grasp.  But nonetheless I think it’s inevitable.

Parenting Solved Available on Kindle

I don't know if this is a compliment or a sign of the Apocalypse, but Parenting Solved is now available right on your Kindle.  Day or night you can pick up my humble POV in pleasing shades of gray.  You can pick up a 14 day trial here on Amazon.

We now return to our regular broadcast schedule.

Free Range Kids Gone Wild

Okay, when I first posted on free-range kids a few months back I thought it was trendy, hip, possibly short-lived but definitely worthy of a post.  But it seems Leonore Skenazy, creater of Free Range Kids, is making headlines again – this time giving her 10-year-old ‘free range’ access to the Long Island Railroad.  The conductor thought the boy was just a little too big for his britches and called in the cops – it’s all, however, within the letter of the law.  But all’s well that ends well and Skenazy’s son was released by the police to again run free.

One author’s advice to another:  I suggest that momma keep pushing the envelope right up to her book release.  There’s no such thing as bad publicity – especially when your book is about ‘bad parents.’

Via The Washington Post’s On Parenting (one of my fav parenting blogs)